I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
