Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He passed out mid-signature
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
