I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
