Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
