Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
