youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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