I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
