Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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