So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
