I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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