After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
