just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
