my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
