I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
