Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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