I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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