He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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