Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
