I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
