If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
