I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
