This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
