Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
