I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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