Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
