I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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