there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
