brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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