i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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