Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
