sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
