We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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