I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
