Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
