I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
