is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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