You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
