the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
