my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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