biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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