I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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