then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
