You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
