I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
