WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
