I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
