smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
only you would photoshop your dick
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
