i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
