A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
