True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
