Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need water and some morals
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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