you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we should paint friendship bongs
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